Kingdom Of Loathing

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Kingdom Of Loathing is an online browser-based RPG that includes thousands of pop culture references scattered throughout the game. KoL also happens to include references to the lyrics of a few dozen TMBG songs. They Might Be Giants themselves have also acknowledged KoL in the August 2007 newsletter:

For years and years, They Might Be Giants have been asked "How come more browser-based, multiplayer role-playing games don't reflect my TMBG lifestyle?" Well, game creator Zack "Jick" Johnson and writer Josh "Mr. Skullhead" Nite at Asymmetric Publications have created "Kingdom of Loathing" at to help everyone get through these slow final days of summer. Get back in your chair, get online and get INVOLVED. You might even be able to ascend! Good luck!

Songs referenced[edit]

Song Name Item Text

(She Was A) Hotel Detective
You sell your <list of items> to a(n) Hotel Detective for <autosell value of items> meat.

AKA Driver
The Grand Poo-Bah.gifThe Grand Poo-Bah
The crowd cheers as The Grand Poo-Bah prepares to use his special attack, "AKA Driver!"

AKA Driver
You drink the corpsedriver. It tastes way better than the NyQuil driver you had a few nights ago.

AKA Driver
The Grand Poo-Bah trading card.gifThe Grand Poo-Bah trading card
Special Moves: Tassel Doff and AKA Driver

Alphabet Lost And Found
Alphabet Giant.gifAlphabet Giant
He starts to hit you again, but finds he's out of letters. Since he won't resort to beating you with an umlaut, he has to go replenish his letter pile. He runs off to the alphabet lost & found to get more.

Ana Ng
Giant Desktop Globe.gifGiant Desktop Globe
You wind up the NG and let it fly. It makes a hole perpendicular to the name of The Seaside Town, with an exit wound in a foreign nation. It splits cleanly into two halves. You don't want the whole thing, or even your half, so you leave it and continue on.

Ana Ng
You activate the Ng. It makes a hole with a gun perpendicular to the name of this town in your opponent, causing x damage.

Ana Ng
Perpendicular bat.gifPerpendicular bat
It makes a hole perpendicular to your jugular vein. Blood spirals the wrong way out of the hole.

Ana Ng
Potato pistol.gifPotato pistol
You fire a potato pellet from your potato pistol. It doesn't make a hole perpendicular to anything, but it does hit for X damage.

BRICKO airship.gifBRICKO airship
This is a model of the Penultimate Fantasy Airship built out of BRICKOs. Every detail has been reproduced on a scale of 1 to 1.

Bastard Wants To Hit Me
Crazy bastard.gifCrazy bastard
Description: All of a sudden, a crazy bastard lurches out of the alley, and starts lumbering toward you with malice in his eyes. And in his eyebrows. Mostly in his eyebrows, actually. You don't know this guy, but it appears that he wants to hit you. That's right -- some crazy bastard wants to hit you.
Hit message: He waves you over, then hits you. Why did you go over there?
Miss message:He waves you over, but you don't know that guy and you're not going over there.

Bastard Wants To Hit Me
Crazy bastard sword.gifCrazy bastard sword
This is the sword formerly wielded by a crazy bastard. He wanted to hit you with it, but instead, you hit him with something and took it. Go, you!

Bastard Wants To Hit Me
Digital underground dweller.gifDigital underground dweller
He says, "Come here, are you ticklish?" but you don't know that guy, and you're not going over there.

The Biggest One
Doc's Miracle Cure.gifDoc's Miracle Cure
Are your Tuesdays gray? Your Wednesdays, too? Are your Thursdays and Fridays progressively grayer than your Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Then look no further! Doc's Miracle Cure is precisely what you need to bring some color back into your life. A spoonful of sugar from Doc's Sugar Bowl would help this medicine go down, but you don't have any of that.

Birdhouse In Your Soul
Tasty louse.gifTasty louse
This is a delicious (if you're a bird) bug that lives in people's hair. Wherever people might have hair -- not to put too fine a point on it. Anyway, it's chock full of louse goodness, and is sure to make a lousy meal.

Birdhouse In Your Soul
The Valhalladay Inn.gifThe Valhalladay Inn
You move into the Valhalliday Inn and set about having an afterlife of afterleisure. After a few days, though, you realize that Valhallalala is a place where nothing ever happens. Not to put too fine a point on it (or a bee in your bonnet), you're getting bored.

Birdhouse In Your Soul
Wasp in a wig.gifwasp in a wig
Not to put too fine a point on it, this is way scarier than a bee in a bonnet -- it's a wasp wearing a wig.

The Cap'm
You and the Cap'm Make it Hap'm.gifYou and the Cap'm Make it Hap'm

Chess Piece Face
Mad Hatrack.gifMad Hatrack
<<Name> shouts, "all I know could be defaced by the facts in the life of me!" and grins loonily.

Certain People I Could Name
Give it a Shot.gifGive it a Shot
If you counted the legs, arms, and heads and divided by five, your calculations would be off by a surprising degree.

Cyclops Rock
One-eyed Gnoll.gifOne-eyed Gnoll
He picks up a giant rock from nearby and hurls it toward you, knocking you to the ground. It makes you want to turn around and break his heart.

Cyclops Rock
One-eyed Gnoll.gifOne-eyed Gnoll
He picks up a giant rock from nearby, but can't tell how far away you are without depth perception, so he misses his throw. It's sweet -- like lead paint is sweet.

Cyclops Rock
Pet Rock.gifPet Rock
(The fact that the pet rock image has one eye makes it a cyclops rock.)

Cyclops Rock
Sack of doorknobs.gifSack of doorknobs
You whip a lead-painted doorknob out of your sack of doorknobs and throw it for X damage. It's sweet, like lead paint is sweet. (I bet it is, too.)

Wouldn't You Like to be a Pickle Too.gifWouldn't You Like to be a Pickle Too?
"Greeeeetings," it says. "I am the ghoooooost of a pickle factory wooooorker... I came back as a bag of grooooceries, but this jar of pickles is all that remaaaaains."

Dr. Worm
April Fool's Day
[Your Familiar's Name] changes into a Worm Doctor.

Dr. Worm
Tiny plastic Uncle Crimbo.gifTiny plastic Uncle Crimbo
This is a tiny plastic Uncle Crimbo. Since he has no brothers (who therefore have no children), he's not a real Uncle. But he is real Crimbo, he is actual Crimbo.

Extra Savoir-Faire
Extra Savior Faire.gifExtra Savior Faire

The Haiku Dungeon 3.gifThe Haiku Dungeon 3
As you walk along darkened corridors in the haiku dungeon, dragging your fingertips against the walls, you encounter some sort of kung fu dating show.

Feeling That You're Being Watched.gifFeeling That You're Being Watched
You poke at the walls, trying to poke all of the eyes. Your fingertips start to bruise... maybe you should just go walk along some darkened corridors.

For Science
This is a disembodied brain used to control a set of brooms. Why? For Science!

The Guitar
Be still, my darling.gifBe still, my darling
(No text, but the name of this adventure refers to The Lion Sleeps Tonight which was the inspiration for The Guitar.)

Disco Nap
This skill allows you to take a quick Disco Nap, and heal some of your wounds. Your powerful napping skills will also allow you to rest at your campsite, once per day, without using up an Adventure.

Hovering Sombrero
Hovering Sombrero.gifHovering Sombrero
This hat appears to be hovering a couple feet off the ground. Actually, it has a ghost underneath it holding it up. So it's never just a hat, it's never only just a hat, you know.

Hovering Sombrero
Levitating Potato.gifLevitating Potato
An eye for an eye
Hey, hovering potato
Might trip up your foes.

Hypnotist Of Ladies
Hypnotist of Hey Deze.gifHypnotist of Hey Deze
Near the Gate, you are accosted by a hypnotist. A Hypnotist of Hey Deze, to be precise.
He's never had a pocketwatch, and he's never counted backwards, but he looks like he has beaten up quite a few adventurers in his day, and it seems that you're next on his list. Y'know, his, uhh, list of adventurers. To beat up.

I Am Not Your Broom
It tries to sweep the floor with you, but you inform it that you are not its broom.

I Palindrome I
Fortune cookie.gifFortune cookie
I am a snake head eating the head on the opposite side.

I Palindrome I
Strategy Get Arts.gifStrategy: Get Arts
He paints your hands to look like paws, but uses a color that seems sort of spooky and corrupt. "Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age!" you say.

I Palindrome I
Talisman o' Nam.gifTalisman o' Nam
This unwieldily-named tchotchke resembles a snake head eating the head on the opposite side.

In The Middle, In The Middle, In The Middle
Workin' For The Man.gifWorkin' For The Man
One day, the exterminators are speeding to a house call when an adorable little kid on a tricycle starts to cross the street in the middle (in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle) of the block.

Istanbul (Not Constantinople) (Brownsville Mix)
How Many Corners Does this Stupid Barn Have.gifHow Many Corners Does this Stupid Barn Have!?
The sky suddenly turns gray and a great wind rises. From the northwest, you see something approaching that looks like a white tornado. As it gets closer, though, you realize that it's not a white tornado -- it's a real tornado! You ain't in New York City, baby!

I've Got A Fang
Sabre-toothed goat.gifSabre-toothed goat
This is a fearsome sabre-toothed goat. He's fierce, but handy if you need a can of tomato juice opened.

I've Got A Fang
Sabre-toothed lime.gifSabre-toothed lime
It uses its sabre-teeth to open a can on you. Unfortunately for you, it's not a can of tomato juice, but of whup-ass. Your head explodes like a atom bomb from the beating.
It tries to chomp you with its giant sabre-teeth, but you use it to open a can of tomato juice instead.

Kiss Me, Son Of God
Baron Von Ratsworth's money clip.gifBaron Von Ratsworth's money clip
This is the money clip Baron Von Ratsworth used to use to flaunt his wealth. It's made of solid platinum, with inlaid diamonds, and a filligreed pattern etched into it with the blood of exploited workers.

And you never know what you'll find when you open up your litterbox to-morrow.

Lucky Ball & Chain
Lucky ball-and-chain.gifLucky ball-and-chain
Just make sure to hold onto the chain, and your pride, when you throw the ball.

Glass of goat's milk.gifGlass of goat's milk
This is a glass of milk, standing in between extinction in the cold and explosive radiating growth. Well, actually, it's standing in between you and your parched throat. And was previously standing in between a goat's teats and your glass.

Metal Detector
Every Seashell Has a Story to Tell.gifEvery Seashell Has a Story to Tell

Metal Detector
Every Seashell Has a Story to Tell If You're Listening.gifEvery Seashell Has a Story to Tell If You're Listening

Metal Detector
Meat detector.gifMeat detector
This item is a lot like a metal detector, except that it detects meat. It's got special shielding on it so it doesn't detect the user's own body as meat. Trust me, it does. A leprechaun would probably find this to be pretty useful, and want to have it with him all of the time.

Mr. Klaw
Clockwork claws.gifClockwork claws
This clockwork claw is a claw. Nobody's seen a talking claw, including you just now. Even though these don't talk, they're nice and sharp and perfect for clawing your way to the top. Of, y'know, whatever you're trying to get on top of.

Mr. Klaw
Deluxe Mr. Klaw "Skill" Crane Game.gifDeluxe Mr. Klaw "Skill" Crane Game

Mr. Klaw
Dusty left first front claw.gifDusty left first front claw
This is a claw, which is a claw. You haven't seen it talk. (Note that there are 16 claws total - four on each leg and four legs)

Mr. Klaw
Mr. Klaw Skill Crane Game.gifMr. Klaw Skill Crane Game

Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes
Tapdancing Skeleton with the Monster Manuel
The tapdancing skeleton is usually surrounded by a fleshy overcoat and swaddled in a furry hat, elastic mask, and a pair of shiny marble dice. But when you fight him, he's practically naked

Counterclockwise Watch.gifCounterclockwise Watch
This watch, rather than marking the forward march of time (which is still marching on), makes time run backwards when it's wound.

Olive, The Other Reindeer
Evil Olive.gifEvil Olive
It summons a mountain of olives, which avalanche down on you. You feel like you've been run over by several other reindeer. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Particle Man
Funk particle.gifFunk particle
It's going to do whatever a particle can to take you down.

Particle Man
Swiss hen.gifSwiss hen
It whips out a particle cannon. The beam does whatever a particle can, including bisecting your <knee>.
It whips out a particle cannon, but the beam misses you. What's it like? It's not important.

Particle Man
Triangle, Man.gifTriangle, Man

Particle Man
Triangle, Man (effect).gifTriangle, Man (effect)

Particle Man
Triangle, Man (effect).gifTriangular CRIMBCOOKIE
You eat the triangular CRIMBCOOKIE. Unlike triangular men, it hates nary a person nor particle, and fills you with a non-specific, blandish holiday cheer.

Pencil Rain
Pencil golem.gifPencil golem
It taps a rhythmic tattoo on the wall that sounds suspiciously like morse code. A rain of pencils falls from the ceiling. The thunderous clatter of splintering wood is deafening, but none of the pencils hits you.

Pencil Rain
Cup of infinite pencils.gifCup of infinite pencils
You grab a handful of pencils from your cup and hurl them at your opponent, creating a veritable pencil rain and causing X damage worth of splinters and graphite poisoning.

Piece Of Dirt
Cruel dust mote.gifCruel dust mote
This is a piece of dirt, but it's not all that you are standing on today.

Purple Toupee
Extra-large palm-frond toupee.gifExtra-large palm-frond toupee
It still won't show the way when summer brings you down, but it'll keep people from laughing about your baldness (and start them laughing at you wearing leaves on your head)

Purple Toupee
Gaudy pirate.gifGaudy pirate
He blinds you with the gleam from his gold lamé vest. His purple toupee doesn't help much, either.
His gold lamé, combined with his purple toupee, turn your green around. It doesn't hurt much.

Purple Toupee
Palm-frond toupee.gifPalm-frond toupee
Though this toupee won't show the way when summer brings you down, it will allow your volleyball to shower, swim, and play tennis, all with its new hair! Or at least up its confidence so it works a little harder.

Rabid Child
Teqiwila slammer.gifTeqiwila slammer
You slam down the teqiwila slammer. Then you put two fingers up behind your head. Slammer down... rabbit ears!

Rhythm Section Want Ad
Pros Only
You look like the sad poet, and there's a place for those who love their poetry.

Road Movie To Berlin
Sweeping Up the Skeleton Bones.gifSweeping Up the Skeleton Bones

Road Movie To Berlin
Skeleton Bone
This is a bone from a skeleton. As opposed to all of those other kinds of bones.

See The Constellation
Star sword.gifStar sword
This is a sword made of dots and lines. Just a sword made of dots and lines.

See The Constellation
The Hooded Warrior.gifThe Hooded Warrior
This constellation looks like a guy made of dots and lines, wearing a hood and holding a sword.
He swings his sword at you again, but is distracted by a nearby cigar constellation (which is just a cigar), and one that looks like a lady. As he puts the lady on his arm, you ho-hum and wait to attack.

See The Constellation
Tiny plastic astronomer.gifTiny plastic astronomer
This is a tiny plastic guy made of tiny plastic dots and lines, carrying a tiny plastic telescope, or megaphone, or whatever that thing is. Maybe it's a slice of tasty tiny plastic pizza. Stellar!

She's An Angel
Angel-food cake.gifAngel-food cake
You follow the angels and eat the cake. That doesn't mean you have to throw your body off a building, though.

Someone Keeps Moving My Chair
Chocolate lump.gifChocolate lump
"Is this about me realizing I'm a horrible person and resolving to change, and ending up all giddy as a schoolboy?" you ask. "Because, if so, I'd rather just stay horrible. It doesn't bother me, except when people move my chair."

Someone Keeps Moving My Chair
Strange Leaflet Quest.gifStrange Leaflet Quest
When you try to move the chair in the leaflet, the response is "Mr. Horrible wouldn't appreciate that."

Big creepy spider.gifBig creepy spider
In the Sleazy Back Alley, you are attacked by a big creepy spider. He promises not to kill you, but you're not sure you believe him.
It spiderbites you in the <body part>. Man, get rid of spider.
It tries to spiderbite you, but you tell it that it's your hero, and it's flattered.

Completely different spider.gifCompletely different spider
In the Sleazy Back Alley, you are attacked by a completely different spider than the big creepy spider that you may or may not have already been attacked by. Yikes! Step on Spider!

Infinite meat bug.gifInfinite meat bug
It tries to munch on your skull, but you step on it, even though it was your hero.

Spider gremlin.gifSpider gremlin
It spins a web around you to hold you still, then tramples you with its eight legs while chewing on your leg with its mandibles. It promised not to kill you, but it didn't promise it wouldn't maim you.

It sproings over, but you step on spider, even though you promised not to kill it.

Portly Abomination.gifPortly Abomination
He sits on you, telescoping your spine. Great, now you're going to be dragging your feet across your back and running your head against your neck. Oof! Ow!

The Spine Surfs Alone
Clockwork spine.gifClockwork spine
If you ever encounter a clockwork invertebrate, you'll have the perfect item with which to barter. For, y'know, all the goods and services clockwork invertebrates can provide. This is a pretty nifty spine, though. You can do a lot of things with it, but you can't surf with it. The spine surfs alone, friend. The spine surfs alone.

The Spine Surfs Alone
It tries to club you in the spine, but your spine surfs alone.

Spiraling Shape
Mesmerizing Penguin.gifMesmerizing Penguin
He spins a spiraling shape in front of you, but it fails to make you go insane.

Spiraling Shape
Spiraling shape.gifSpiraling shape‎
This is a circle with a spiral painted on it. Everyone wants to see this groovy thing, but I wouldn't let them -- they'd probably just think it's a fraud and a fake.

Stalk Of Wheat
Possibility Giant.gifPossibility Giant
He pounds you with a stalk of wheat. You feel out of ideas, like you is.

Stomp Box
Stomp box.gifStomp box
This is a wooden box for your Stomping Boots, to help them blast their mission and tell the wordless message.

Theme From Flood
Why Is the World In Love Again.gifWhy Is the World In Love Again?

They Might Be Giants (Song)
Possibility Giant.gifPossibility Giant
You are confronted by an enemy who seems to change size and shape constantly, flickering as you stare at him. You're not at all sure what he/it is. He's definitely a giant, though. No, he isn't. Yes, he is. Wait . . . Let's just say he might be.
He might be rain, he might be heat, but he's definitely not succeeding in hitting you.
He might be frying up a stalk of wheat, but he's definitely not hitting you.
He stomps on your head, leaving tabloid footprints in your hair.
He grabs your hands and whips you in a circle around his head. You try to hang on tighter (just to keep from being thrown to the wolves), but he throws you across the room anyway.
He stops attacking and is joined by four other guys carrying instruments. "This is my back-up band," he says. "They're highly illogical." They proceed to play music so loud and atonal that your eardrums flee your body in terror.
He stops attacking and is joined by four other guys carrying instruments. "This is my back-up band," he says. "They're highly illogical." You plug your ears as they play loud, atonal music for a while.

They Might Be Giants (Song)
The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky.gifThe Castle in the Clouds in the Sky
You peek your head inside the door of the Castle, and see a bunch of things that might be giants.The little voice inside your head can't be silent about this, so you decide not to go in there until you get a little heftier.

They'll Need A Crane
A Construction Site.gifA Construction Site
You peer through a hole in the wooden fence, and see a crane. Looks like some lad is trying to take the house he built for his gal apart, or perhaps trying to pick some broken ruins up again.

They'll Need A Crane
Makeshift crane.gifMakeshift crane
This is a bath towel that has been folded into a clumsy, floppy origami crane. It doesn't look like much, but maybe it can help you start to see the world apart from pain.

They'll Need A Crane
Three-tiered wedding cake.gifThree-tiered wedding cake
You eat all three tiers of the wedding cake, not even saving a piece to put in the freezer for your anniversary. It makes you want to strike up the wedding band, but you know nobody wants to hear that.

Turn Around
Skelter Butleton, the Butler Skeleton.gifSkelter Butleton, the Butler Skeleton
He starts to walk towards you, then stops, bows, and asks if there will be anything else. He has such a strange, obsequious manner that you want to have him killed.

World's smallest violin.gifWorld's smallest violin
Violin, lin, lin. Violin, lin, lin. Hits for X damage, mage, mage, ooooooooh!

We Want A Rock
Caveman frat boy.gifCaveman frat boy
It headbutts you with its protruding forehead. You wish you had a prosthetic forehead to absorb the blow.

We Want A Rock
Clod hopper.gifClod hopper
It stops attacking to wind a piece of string around one of its loose rocks.

We Want A Rock
Comma Chameleon.gifComma Chameleon
<name> sneezes and swallows hard, and her horns and goatee vanish. Looks like you'll have to save up another seven dollars to buy another prosthetic forehead.

We Want A Rock
Digital underground dweller.gifDigital underground dweller
He limps to the side like his leg was broken, and then his prosthetic nose falls off and he has to tie it back on. He should have stuck with prosthetic foreheads instead.

We Want A Rock
Floaty rock.gifFloaty rock
This is a rock that somehow floats in the air under its own power. Now all you need is a floaty string, and you'll be just like everybody else.

We Want A Rock
It shoots a rock at you, but you quickly wind a piece of string around it.

We Want A Rock
Prosthetic forehead.gifProsthetic forehead
This is a prosthetic forehead for your goat to wear on its real head. Everybody wants one of these and now you've got one. It'll enable your goat to hit harder without damaging its skull.

We Want A Rock
This is a rock with a piece of string around it. To use it as a weapon, first throw the crib door wide, then let the people crawl inside. Then, hold onto the string, whip it around your head a couple of times, and let fly with the rock. It's just like a yo-yo, except it doesn't come back. So, y'know, it's only the first "yo."

Where Do They Make Balloons?
Green balloon.gifGreen balloon
This is a pretty, green (not pictured), rubber balloon which appears to have been manufactured on the cheap somewhere outside of the Kingdom. Especially because it says "¡Feliz Cumpleaños!" on it. Where do they make balloons, anyway?

Where Your Eyes Don't Go
Funk sole brother.gifFunk sole brother
You hide on the side of it where its eyes don't go. It swims in circles trying to find you.

Oasis monster.gifOasis monster
This monster appears to be a whirpool from the middle of an oasis. It probably asked permission from its master to visit the lands beyond, then decided to stay and beat the crap out of unsuspecting adventurers. It stomps toward you, looking intent on throwing it all back to you. You try to figure out what you gotta do, but you really should've figured that out by now.

Your Own Worst Enemy
Anniversary balloon.gifAnniversary balloon
This is a balloon shaped like a "diamond," one of the Kingdom's many worthless, but pretty, rocks you find lying around. It's the perfect way to remind someone that a year has passed since something happened: the beginning of a relationship, creating an account for an online game, or getting that full frontal lobotomy. Or that full bottle in front of me.

Your Own Worst Enemy
CRIMBCO wine.gifCRIMBCO wine
You drink the CRIMBCO wine. It's just like going to work, except that after many glasses of work you'll get paid in the brain.

Your Own Worst Enemy
Full Bottle in front of Me.gifFull Bottle in front of Me

Your Own Worst Enemy
Vodka stratocaster.gifVodka stratocaster
It puts the onion in the coconut or else it gets the hose again. This combination of ingredients is rougher and dirtier than a gibson, but still gets the job done. And I say, "job," because drinking these is definitely like work. But after many glasses of work, you get paid in the brain.

Band members referenced[edit]

Band Member Item Text

John Flansburgh
This is a flange, an object completely unlike a samoflange. It's named after the famed town of Flangeburg, where it was invented.

John Linnell
Linnell, the Booze Giant.gifLinnell, the Booze Giant

Misc. references[edit]

  • In March of 2006, the official web radio, Radio KOL, for The Kingdom of Loathing held a karaoke contest. The songs had to be referenced in the game, and third place went to LSK who covered TMBG's Spider. You can view a list of all the entries here, and a list of the winners here.
  • When attacking with the Accordion Thief weapon "Stolen Accordion" it sometimes says: "You play a rock 'n' roll tune on your stolen accordion. It describes it as 'quirky,' so you smack it..." The Johns are known to find it irksome when THEY are called 'quirky', so this may be a reference to them.
  • When the Avatar of Sneaky Pete misses in combat it sometimes says: "He senses that a strand of hair has worked loose from his immaculate pompadour (which is the name of my They Might Be Giants cover band) and stops to fix it."

External links[edit]