DVD Interludes

Several DVDs put out by They Might Be Giants have spoken-word interludes in between the videos. This page lists every single DVD interlude from Venue Songs, Here Come The ABCs, Here Come The 123s and Here Comes Science.

Venue Songs (2005)

All intros are by John Hodgman as The Deranged Millionaire.

Greeting From The Deranged Millionaire

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Good afternoon. Not long ago, They Might Be Giants, grizzled veterans of multiple national club tours, were once again lured by the siren call of the American road. But this tour would be different. The day before they set out, they were contacted by a mysterious deranged millionaire, with a bold, artistic challenge. Write a new song every day, a song that would celebrate the unique character of each venue in which they performed, or else lose their magical song writing talisman, and leave Brooklyn forever vulnerable to his roving baseball gangs, and monstrous creatures. Ladies and gentlemen, I am that deranged millionaire, and I now present to you in what may be the last broadcast from They Might Be Giants studios before they are mine. The whirlwind national journey that is the Venue Songs of They Might Be Giants.

Introducing Dallas (Trees)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: The experiment begins in the Twin Cities of the single state known as Minnesota. Specificially, the legendary Minneapolis rock club, First Avenue, where the artist formerly known as public radio's Garrison Keillor first bathed our world in the purple madness of songs such as, "When Doves Cry", and "Powdermilk Biscuit Rain". It is Keillor's legacy of Midwestern pledge-drive funk that gives They Might Be Giants the idea for its very first venue song. A song that shall never be played again. And They Might Be Giants drives on. To Dallas, Texas, and an unassuming roadhouse with the creepy and enigmatic name, Trees. The band sets to work on a song that will capture the promise of that name, its mystery and strange horror.

Introducing Albany (The Egg)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: From Dallas, They Might Be Giants makes the quick drive to Albany, futuristic capital of the State of New York. Lost in the city's downtown, a concrete shrine to Nelson Rockefeller's vision of dehumanizing bureaucracy, the band soon find themselves confronted by The Egg. The Egg, more than just a venue, The Egg is a gigantic cement performance orb, whose smooth, featureless exterior suggests a worrisome lack of fire exits.

Introducing Los Angeles (West Hollywood House of Blues)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Next stop: Los Angeles. Behold the House Of Blues. Paradoxically, this classic American juke-joint, as old and as broke down as the blues itself, is made entirely out of contemporary construction materials, and in fact was built by Dan Aykroyd himself, with his own pudgy, Canadian hands. Indeed, the House Of Blues' public image of loose morals and lost weekends contrasts sharply with the club's hyper-efficient 'Triumph of the Will' management style. And it continually perplexes its visitors, including They Might Be Giants, who adopt an appropriately aggressive attitude for this venue's theme.

Introducing Anaheim (Anaheim House of Blues)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Then, as all Americans must, They Might Be Giants soon learn the incredible truth. There is more than one House of Blues. Next stop: Anaheim, home to the Anaheim House Of Blues. An oasis of hooch, honky-tonk, unfiltered cigarettes, and beer-drinking goats, right in the heart of the Magic Kingdom. They Might Be Giants has all the inspiration they require.

Introducing Vancouver (Richard's On Richard's)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Leaving Anaheim swiftly at dawn, They Might Be Giants drives north to Canada, and the great walled city of Vancouver. The venue is Richard's on Richards, so named for its location on Richards Street, and presumably for the fact that it is owned by someone named Richard. But They Might Be Giants doesn't care. Instead, they empty their minds, and create a song entirely unrelated to the venue itself.

Introducing Pittsburgh (Mr. Small's Theatre)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Returning from Canada, the tour bus heads to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and They Might Be Giants goes with it. Pittsburgh. Known for its mighty bridges, spanning rivers with names that are difficult to pronounce, like Mon-on-ga-hela. Pittsburgh, its world famous natural hot steel springs still flowing into the city's burning streets. Pittsburgh. Where precariously cantilevered over its great, rolling hillsides are the forgotten chambers, and great halls that are the city's one thousand alternative rock clubs. Memories of Pittsburgh haunt They Might Be Giants. Memories of 1987, and a show in front of 23 people at one such club, The Electric Banana, named after its owner, a gun-toting alcoholic called Johnny Banana. Now, The Electric Banana is gone. And as the band enters the mountains, they do not know what they will discover. Actually, they discover another rock club, called Mr. Smalls.

Introducing Asheville (The Orange Peel)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: The next stop is Asheville, North Carolina, boyhood home of novelist Thomas Wolfe who famously wrote, quote: "You can't go home again. But, if you go to my boyhood home, do make sure to check out The Orange Peel, home of rock music in the Blue Ridge Mountains." End quote.

Introducing Glasgow (T-H-E-G-A-R-A-G-E)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: And so, They Might Be Giants drives on. To Scotland. Dateline, the angry city of Glasgow, and a rock palace called The Garage. As the band performs beneath a giant illuminated sign spelling out the name of the venue, so those burning letters write in their minds a new idea. For a song.

Introducing Charlottesville (Starr Hill Music Hall)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Returning once again to the United States, They Might Be Giants enters the Old Dominion, Charlottesville, Virginia. Here, Thomas Jefferson founded the University Of Virginia, and built his magnificent bat cave, Monticello, where he made sweet love to Sally Hemings. Moved by the aesthetic brilliance and the enlightenment ideals of America's third president, They Might Be Giants creates a song for the Starr Hill Music Hall that is steeped in history.

Introducing Asbury Park (The Stone Pony)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: Home is on They Might Be Giants' minds, and now in their sights. But as they head north, they cannot pass up a stop in Asbury Park, New Jersey, where they play skee-ball, and eat saltwater taffy that was made in 1996. And of course, they check in with their old friends at the legendary Stone Pony. It was here at this landmark musical dungeon by the sea where public radio's Garrison Keillor first somberly rocked America with songs like, "Factory's A'Closin' In The Quaint Fictional Lutheran Town", and traded white hot rock guitar licks with Bon Jovi's Richie Sambora. It is this legacy that inspires yet another venue song. One that shall be played.

Introducing Brooklyn (Celebrate Brooklyn)

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: The tour nearly over, the band returns to Brooklyn, New York, and the Celebrate Brooklyn Festival in Prospect Park. Under a clear, star-filled night, They Might Be Giants turns the old, abandoned band-shell into a place of magical, site-specific music.

Goodbye from The Deranged Millionaire

DERANGED MILLIONAIRE: With this final venue song, They Might Be Giants impossibly completed the impossible task I had set before them. In Brooklyn, even a deranged millionaire is bound by honour. And so I must relinquish this studio to Them, and concede at last. They really are Might Be Giants. For the Venue Songs of They Might Be Giants, I'm a deranged millionaire. Good night.

Here Come The ABCs (2005)

All intros are by the Puppet Johns who are in a theater.

Greetings from the Puppet Johns

They Might Be Giants, Here Come The ABCs! (Children:) A! B! C!

JL: Hi.

JF: Hi.

JL: I'm John.

JF: And I'm John too.

JL: And we're They Might Be Giants.

JF: And this show is all about the ABCs.

JL: Everybody's got to learn the ABCs.

JF: Except me!

JL (looks at Flansburgh): No! Even you.

JF: OK.

Introducing The Vowel Family

JL: Here's a song that features a musical family of vowels!

JF: And it's performed by some friends of ours called the Deeply Felt Puppet Theater. We want to thank 'em for helping us out.

Introducing Who Put The Alphabet In Alphabetical Order?

JL: Here's another song.

JF: What's it called?

JL: Well, it's called Who Put the Alphabet In Alphabetical Order?

JF: Alright!

Introducing C Is For Conifers

JL: This next song is about a family of trees, called conifers.

JF: They're all over the place but they're still excellent.

JL: This song is called C is for Conifers.

Introducing Z Y X

JF: Here's a song called ZYX. If you want to learn the alphabet backwards, as well as forwards, you'll find this song really helpful.

JL: So listen carefully.

Introducing The Bonus Tracks

They Might Be Giants, Here Come The ABCs! (Children: A! B! C!)

JL: Well, that's every song we've got...about letters.

JF: We want to thank all the letters for helping us out

JL: They've been great!

JF: And we hope this is going to help everybody out there understand which letters are which.

JL: But we've got more songs.

JF: Yeah, we've got more songs!

JL: We've got songs that aren't about letters.

JF: And we want to play 'em!

JL: Let's play the songs.

JF: Yeah!

Here Come The 123s (2008)

All intros are by the Puppet Johns who are in a forest, except for the Ten Mississippi introduction, which is introduced by John Flansburgh as a voice-over.

Greetings from John and John

JF: Hello everyone!

JL: It's time for Here Come the 123s.

JF: My name is John.

JL: And my name is John too, and we are:

BOTH: They Might Be Giants!

JL: And this DVD is about numerals.

JF: Digits!

JL: Numbers!

JF: Integers!

JL: Integers?

JF: Yeah, integers.

JL: So welcome to:

BOTH: Here Come the 123s!

JL: This first song is about zeroes.

JF: And what's it called?

JL: It's called Zeroes.

Introducing Number Two

JF: Here's a song called the Number Two.

Introducing Triops Has Three Eyes

JF: Hey! So this next song is about a real-life creature called the Triops.

JL: Triops are one of the oldest living animal species on Earth.

JF: And they've been around for over 220-million years.

JL: And here's the most unusual fact of all. Triops has three eyes.

JF: Really?

JL: I think so.

Introducing High Five!

JL: That song was called Apartment Four-

JF (on the phone:) Alright, Marty-

JL: And-

JF: You're breaking up.

JL: John.

JF: Yeah.

JL: And the entire video-(JF: Absolutely) was produced-

JF: Can you hear me now?

JL: JOHN!

JF: Can you hear me?

JL: I'm trying to tell people about the video.

JF: Listen Marty, I'm going to have to call you back.

JF: Hey everybody, we got a new video, and it's called High Five! Hey John, slap me five!

JL: No.

JF: Up top!

JL: No!

JF: Come on.

JL: NO!

JF: High five?

JL: No.

Introducing The Secret Life Of Six

JF (upside down:) Hey, John!

JL: Yeah!

JF: Did you know the number six looks just like a nine if you draw a six upside down?

JL: I did not know that.

JF: And, if you draw the number nine upside down, it looks just like a six!

JL: That, I did know.

Introducing I Never Go To Work

JF: Here's another song about seven.

JL (clears throat:) It's about the seven days of the week.

Introducing Pirate Girls Nine

JL: And now we have two songs that are about the number nine.

JF: I wish there were nine songs about the number nine.

JL: Well, we only have two, and that seems like plenty to me.

Introducing Ten Mississippi

JF: The Deeply Felt Puppet Theater have come to help. They've noticed it's hard to count seconds without going too fast. So they're gonna show us how to count to ten, the Mississippi way.

Introducing I Can Add

(tuba starts playing)

JF: Hey, John! I think I hear a tuba.

JL: Yeah, you're right, that is a tuba.

(second tuba joins in)

JF: Hey! Now there's another tuba! I-I hear two tubas playing!

JL: Huh! Hey! Hey, John?

JF: Yeah?

JL: What's tuba + tuba?

JF: Four-ba!

(both laugh)

Introducing Even Numbers

JL: Hey John.

JF: Yeah?

JL: I one a skunk.

JF: I two a skunk.

JL: I three a skunk.

JF: I four a skunk.

JL: I five a skunk.

JF: John, I six a skunk.

JL: I seven a skunk.

JF: I, EIGHT a skunk!

JL: You ate a skunk, no!

(both scream)

Introducing The Bonus Tracks

JF: Well, those are all the songs we got. Thanks for watching.

JL (pops out from out of nowhere:) Wait! We've got some extra songs we wanted to play for you. Check it out!

Farewell from the Puppet Johns

JL: Well, that really is all the songs we got.

JF: We'll be seeing you again real soon. Until then, thanks for watching:

BOTH: Here Come the 123s!

Here Comes Science (2009)

All intros are by the Scientist Johns.

Greetings from the Scientist Johns

JL: Hello

JF: Hello!

JL: We are They Might Be Giants

JF: And we wanna welcome you to our musical laboratory. As the philosopher Rudolph Carnap once so clearly said:

JL (clears throat:) Science is a system of statements based on direct experience, and controlled by experimental verification!

JF: Or as we say, science is real!

Introducing I Am A Paleontologist

JF: This next song is called I Am a Paleontologist, and it's about our friend Danny, who likes to pretend he is one

JL: Paleontology is a fancy word for the study of prehistoric life

JF: Fossils!

JL: Dinosaur bones!

JF: Evolution!

JL: Mass extinction!

JF: Statigraphy!

JL: Taxonomy!

JF: Mass extinction!

JL: Dinosaur bones!

JF: Evolution!

JL: Evolution!

JL: Mass extinction!

JF: Fossils!

JL: Dinosaur bones!

JF: Taxonomy!

JL: More dinosaur bones!

JF: Bones!

JL: Fossils!

JF: Statigraphy!

Introducing The Bloodmobile

JF: Hey John

JL: Hi John!

JF: Why aren't you wearing your labcoat?

JL: Oh, uh, it's at the-uh, it's at the cleaners. This next song is called The Bloodmobile.

Introducing Electric Car

JF: You know, these days, I think everybody's concerned about the environment, and what we can all do to be a little bit greener.

JL (pops out of nowhere with green skin instead of yellow:) You mean, like THIS?

JF: John, green doesn't mean the color. It's a behavioural adjustment to help out the earth. Things like turning off lights, recycling, and driving-

JL: Electric cars?

JF: Exactly. Is that color gonna wash off?

JL: What color?

Introducing My Brother The Ape

JL: This next song is called My Brother The Ape.

JF (in a monkey mask:) Ook! Ook!

JL: This is not my brother.

JF: Ook!

JL: Or a real ape.

JF: Ook! Ook! Ook!

JL: But we really are all related to apes and every other living thing because of evolution. Apes and humans have the same great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-(while John is saying this, the screen fades to footage of clocks ticking)-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents.

(…)

(JL punches JF in the shoulder) JF: Ook?

Introducing How Many Planets?

JF (in old man voice and costume:) John, tell me a story.

JL (also in voice and costume:) No, no-

JF: Tell me of the olden times.

JL: Oh no, don't make me think of the past it's too painful.

JF: Tell me a story.

JL: Oh okay. In olden times, people would remember the order of the planets with this simple saying: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. But then, in 2006, Pluto lost its status as a planet. On August 24th, the International Astrological Union declared because of its size and erratic orbit, Pluto is only a dwarf planet. Like Ceres, an object in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. So these days, we say: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing. And, we can no longer enjoy the taste of Mother's home-cooked Pluto.

Introducing Roy G. Biv

JF (still in old man voice/costume:) John, tell us another story.

JL (also still in old man voice/costume:) No, don't make me tell anymore stories.

JF: Please, retell!

JL: No I don't have anymore stories-oh, okay. In olden times, my father would help me remember the sequence of the colour spectrum by telling me the story of a magical elf named Roy G Biv. He even wrote a song about it, and the name of the song is Roy G. Biv!

Introducing Photosynthesis

JF: John.

JL: Yes?

JF: What did the ficus plant say to the spider plant?

JL: I don't know…what DID the ficus plant say to the spider plant?

JF: Photosynthesis! …Because, y'see the spider plant asked the ficus plant how they converted carbon dioxide into organic compounds in order to grow.

JL: You didn't say that part.

JF: You see, if I had said that part, the joke would lose its element of surprise. Then the joke wouldn't be funny.

JL: It wasn't funny!

JF: Well, you laughed.

JL: No, I didn't.

JF: No, rewind the video, you definitely laughed.

Introducing Speed And Velocity

JF: Greetings, citizens! No need to fear, Superspeed is here!

JL: And I…am Velocity…Guy.

JF: Hey, man, you're ripping my powers off.

JL: No no, I'm not, speed and velocity are completely different. Speed and velocity are two different things.

JF: No they're not.

JL: Uh, they are, they're different. Just watch this.

Introducing Computer Assisted Design

JL: Applied science is a field where people use scientific knowledge to solve practical problems. Technology is applied science, and there is no more exciting product of applied science than the computer.

JF: Except for this game I'm playing. I'm up to 5000 Warlock Skull Power Rigs.

JL: Well John, even your game is kind of a computer.

JF: Woah!

JL: Now engineers and designers are using computers to control startling new machines. These computer assisted design machines, or CAD machines for short, can take a design made on a computer, and fabricate them directly into physical objects. They are amazing.

JF: 6000 Warlock Skull Power Rigs. I'm a god!

(JL sighs)