Blender 1.1/Horoscopes

These are transcripts of the video horoscopes featured on the Blender 1.1 CD-ROM.

Aries

[We see John Linnell looking like he's staring out into space]

JF: Aries. The passages of Jupiter and Venus make this a lucky month for Aries and personal affairs, but you must be on your guard since self-doubt may arise during this month regarding work and relationships. This worry is unnecessary, and you must be careful to prevent the self-doubt from affecting the outcomes of situations that would be positive... otherwise.

Taurus

[We see a closeup of John Flansburgh as the camera moves around his face, starting from the right side, through his eyes and glasses and the left side before the camera goes back to his eyes and glasses.]

JL: Taurus! Taurus is very confident this month, but do not be deceived! This is not a great time to make any concrete decisions about either relationships or business deals! You may think you are communicating with others, but instead you are spending too much time... talking at them! Talk to your inner-child before it's too late!

Gemini

[We see John Linnell looking like he's pondering - during this, the camera moves a bit weirdly. Later in the video, he moves his head and looks at a different part of the room.]

JF: Gemini. You've been under criticism these last few months. People have been complaining about you, but a conjunction of Mercury and Jupiter this month creates a feeling of inner peace which makes you not care what other people say. You may experience a sudden loss in business, through no fault of your own, but this is only temporary. Make sure to communicate with your coworkers, this will lead to a rapid repair of risks.

Cancer

[We see John Linnell with the back of his head to the camera and his hand on his forehead]

JF: Cancer. For some time you've felt trapped which has caused you to react strongly to most social situations. Finally this sense of frustration will help you pave the way for a new project since your originality is unusually heightened at the moment. Neptune is in your first house, and cause you to be more compassion and sympathetic to others. Use these feelings, and the rewards will be great.

Leo

[Camera zooms in and out and in and out at John Linnell]

JF: Leo. This is a bad time for Leo... a very bad time since Saturn is in your house, and wrecking up your stuff, but your stoic nature will help you focus your energy to get through this trying time. Interactions with planets... are a bad idea. Try interactions with the opposite sex which will be more rewarding, so concentrate on your relationships, both domestic and social.

Virgo

[We see John Linnell with his hand in his forehead, looking like he's having a headache]

JF: Virgo. Relationships with women are particularly affected for you this month. These relationships will be more harmonious than usual. This should compel you to make minor adjustments in your personal life, and take care not to offend others with insensitivity. Pluto's conjunction with Neptune may dramatically change your attitudes and beliefs this month. This will pave the way for massive social change in your life.

Libra

[We see John Flansburgh smiling at the camera - during this, he stops smiling for a bit, but then gets slightly closer to the camera while smiling]

JL: Libra. Moon and Pluto means you are keen to pursue relationships with new people. Be careful since you are in danger of weakening existing bonds irrevocably. You are feeling particularly insightful this month, so use this wisdom to smooth over the many feathers you have ruffled today.

Scorpio

[We see John Flansburgh spinning - during this, he raises his arms and hands, looking up at the ceiling]

JL: Scorpio. You are in the mood for love this month, thanks to the conjunction of Venus and Jupiter. Family matters will reign supreme this month for you. In particular, you may be compelled to strengthen ties with a father figure. The timing is right, so do it now. There will be many opportunities this month to make new friends and expand one particular existing relationship. As long as you make the effort, good will come of this time period.

Sagittarius

[We see John Flansburgh looking at the camera - during this, he gets briefly very close to the camera, then he moves to the head in an odd way, grins (with his teeth to the camera) and goes back to his previous position. He makes a weird face as if he just had a lemon, and then briefly gets close back to the camera again.]

JL: Sagittarius! Your moods are very changeable this month! Don't bend over backwards to please someone this month! You must stand your ground! But please! Be careful not to let this energy cause you to use others as a means to your own personal ends! Since there may be that danger lurking this month! A marriage or new birth in your family is predicted by the stars!

Capricorn

[We see John Linnell covering his eyes with his hand - during this, he moves like a robot a bit.]

JF: Capricorn! Mercury's presence in your sign this month makes you quick-witted and responsive. To some extent, you will feel drained of energy, and worried about finances. You might be compelled to spend a lot of money at this time. Which would be a real bad idea. This will be an excellent time to heal domestic wounds you are responsible for. Take care of work, but above all invest more time with a loved one who is feeling neglected.

Aquarius

[We see John Linnell looking at the camera with eyes open and eyebrows raised - during this, later in the video, he moves his head]

JF: Aquarius. Mercury and Pluto will sharpen your mental reflexes this month. You will spend a good part of this month dealing with finances, dough, moolah, cash, so be practical, undertake a spring cleaning of matters both spiritual and domestic. Doing so will help you achieve your desire for more.... personal freedom.

Pisces

[We see John Flansburgh looking like he's overexaggeratedly thinking of something - during this, he starts to look like he just smelled something bad]

JL: Pisces. Mercury in your ascendant makes you very communicative this month. Use this to sway others to your cause through clever arguments, and your methodically precise thinking. Lady Luck is with you financially this month, so start paying off the debts you accrued, as opposed to your usual procrastination. Family life will be affected suddenly by a momentous change. Someone may be leaving your life in an undefined way. Beware of this, and take it one day at a time.

Videos

Playlist of all the horoscopes, curated on YouTube by MayorOfCowtown