TMBG Info Club Archive/Fall 1994

The following pamphlet was mailed out to Information Club members in the fall of 1994.

They Might Be Giants - Info Club Fall 94

A Letter From Flansburgh

Greetings Info Club people—I'm sitting in a London hotel with my powerbook. I am slipping into a coma watching an incomprehensible piece of trash/spy thriller called "The Satan Bug" on the television. It stars the actor who played Sgt. Carter from Gomer Pyle, and the Captain from "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea."

We have spent the bulk of the last three days driving. We traveled from London to Amsterdam, performed at the Lowlands festival, turned around and drove back. Yesterday we performed at the Reading Festival, which is a big event with multiple stages that takes place over three days in a town outside of London. Our set was limited to forty minutes, which was kind of restricting. We didn't get a chance to play much of our repertoire beyond the better known material, although we did play "Spy" with the conducted improvisational ending. We got them going though, and the crowd (of about 7000) at our stage was pretty packed out. I didn't get a chance to see anything else due to interviews and the necessity to leave before the evening ends in a colossal traffic jam. But I heard an echo of what I suspect was Henry Rollins' voice as we left the tv tent.

I regret to report that our keyboardist/saxophonist Kurt Hoffman and trumpeter Steven Bernstein have departed our line up. Both are working on their own projects, the Band of Weeds and Spanish Fly respectively. We want to wish them the best and thank them for the dedication and talent they brought to our shows and our recordings. They will be missed.

Their departure instigated a change in the instrumentation of our current band. Linnell is playing electronic keyboard on a bunch of songs. It fills out the four piece arrangements, and actually makes songs like "Don't Let's Start" and "Twisting" sound closer to the recorded versions.

Our new horn section is composed of a trumpet and trombone/tuba in addition to Linnell's baritone sax. Outside of his extensive downtown New Music gigs, new TMBG trumpet player Jim O'Connor's "M" resume includes Afro-Cuban heavyweight Mario Bauza, the Monkees, big band legend Mel Louis, LaMonte Young, and Mostly Mozart at Lincoln Center. He can be seen performing in the Rainbow Room in the film "Six Degrees of Separation." Jim has also endured the cruelest of all horn gigs, Blood, Sweat and Tears.

Our new trombonist/tuba player, Randy Andos, has performed and recorded with Spiro Gyra, Jon Bon Jovi, rapper Rob Base, r&b singer Micki Howard, and numerous Motown touring acts. His commercial work includes playing the tuba on a Wendy's commercial, and trombone on the New Adventures of Mighty Mouse. Randy has appeared on screen, dressed as a policeman, playing tuba for two episodes of "The Guiding Light."

The tuba songs have been grouped together in a section of the show we're calling Tuba Corner (since it takes a moment for Randy to get the thing on and off) and currently features "Particle Man," "She's an Angel" and "Extra Savior Faire."

We are currently planning the show for the American tour which is based on our run at the Variety Theater in New York two years ago. At the theatrical venues it'll take advantage of the bigger stages and start the show as a duo and then have various band members join us, waiting a bit before the full rock onslaught. Our lighting guy, Myles, who has put together lights for the Pixies and the Breeders, is cooking up some interesting stuff, but it is all still very much in the planning stages. Call Dial-A-Song in the beginning of October for updates.

Well, there is a lot of activity here in the Giants' treehouse. Hope to see you all out there this fall. I'll be the guy with the half empty coffee cup and dark circles under my eyes. —Flansburgh

Things Giant

Out September 13: They Might Be Giants' new album John Henry

Finally available in stores, TMBG's full band debut "John Henry" was available everywhere on September 13th. 20 new songs. over sixty minutes of music. If your local record store doesn't have it, well, they should.

Back To Skull CD5 also in stores

5 new recordings: "Snail Shell" the first single off of "John Henry," "Ondine," "She Was A Hotel Detective" (a brand new, totally different song), "Mrs. Train," and the Dust Bros. remix of "Snail Shell." Special Info Club Note: CD5's are in the singles section of your local record store, segregated from the full length selections—so don't be fooled—"Back to Skull" could be in there somewhere. Get it before it's out of print!

Snail Shell Video Completed

The band has finished their first video for "John Henry." The clip of "Snail Shell" was filmed in Berlin with German video director Nico Beyer. If you would like to request the video on MTV, call 1-800-DIAL-MTV (only call between 12 noon and 5pm everyday).

Hello John

They Might Be Giant's John Linnell has just completed a selection for the Hello CD of the Month Club. His disc excerpts portions of a state song project he's been working on for a couple of years. He plans on writing a song for each state in the Union. To order this year's subscription, call 1-800-HELLO-41, or fill out the form on the last page of this brochure.

TMBG Media Watch

Look out for these appearances, reviews, and interviews of TMBG:

• Alternative Press
• BAM
• Boston Rock
• CMJ Monthly
• Guitar Player
• GQ
• Huh!
• Hypno
• Interview
• Jon Stewart Show
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien
• Mademoiselle
• Mirabella
• Musician
• People
• Request
• San Francisco Examiner
• Spin Radio Network
• Splatter Effect
• Stereo Review
• Tower Pulse
• Wired

Dial-A-Song is waiting

Still just a regular charge call to Brooklyn, Dial-A-Song (718-387-6962) is currently playing unreleased new songs and freaky orphans from the past. Although it's busy most of the day, it is still relatively easy to reach it after midnight. So call up and check it out.

Call your radio station's request lines

Call these stations to ask for TMBG by name.

• CIMX, Birmingham, MI
  • 313-298-7999
• KDGE, Irving, TX
  • 214-751-0945
• KITS, San Francisco, CA
  • 415-478-LIVE
• KNDD/The End, Seattle, WA
  • 800-423-1077 or
  • 206-421-1077
• KROQ, Burbank, CA
  • 800-520-1067
• KTCL, Fort Collins, CO
  • 303-571-1232
• WBRU, Providence, RI
  • 401-272-9555
• WDRE, Westbury, NY
  • 800-377-DARE
• WDST, Woodstock, NY
  • 914-679-5266
• WENX, Lynn, MA
  • 617-595-1017
• WHFS, Landover, MD
  • 800-321-9437
• WHTG, Asbury Park, NJ
  • 908-493-2002
• WMAD, Sunprairie, WI
  • 608-281-0921
• WOXY, Oxford, OH
  • 513-523-4114
• WPGU, Champaign, IL
  • 217-244-1071
• WWCD, Columbus, OH
  • 614-445-1011
• KRZQ, Reno, NV
  • 702-826-7625
• KTOZ, Springfield, MO
  • 417-869-1047
• WEQX, Manchester, VT
  • 802-362-1027
• KEDI, Phoenix, AZ
  • 602-260-1063
• KLZR, Lawrence, KS
  • 913-842-1059
• KRK, Provo, UT
  • 801-570-9696
• KWOD, Sacramento, CA
  • 916-448-1065
• KNNC, Georgetown, TX
  • 512-863-0077
• KPNT, St. Louis, MO
  • 314-969-3833
• KSSU, Sacramento, CA
  • 916-278-3343
• WNNX, Atlanta, GA
  • 404-741-0997
• WCHZ, Augusta, GA
  • 706-650-9510
• WZRH, New Orleans, LA
  • 504-260-1061
• WKQX, Chicago, IL
  • 312-591-8300
• WAQZ, Cincinnati, OH
  • 513-749-1071
• WENZ, Cleveland, OH
  • 216-578-1079
• WRZX, Indianapolis, IN
  • 317-239-9103
• WWDX, East Lansing, MI
  • 517-363-2921
• KKNB, Lincoln, NE
  • 402-483-0600
• KPOI, Honolulu, HI
  • 808-296-3343
• XHRM, San Diego, CA
  • 619-570-1925
• KOME, San Jose, CA
  • 408-575-KOME

TMBG Touring Plans

TMBG will be touring the US beginning Oct. 15. They will be touring the Northeast until late October, when they will return to NY to do a stand through Halloween. The tour continues through the Midwest where they will do a stand in Chicago at the Vic and then the West Coast. The tour will break around Thanksgiving, resume for a couple weeks in December, then travel to Australia and Japan early in 1995.

OCTOBER 15
New Haven, CT
Palace Theater

OCTOBER 17
Red Bank, NJ
Count Basie Theater

OCTOBER 18
Washington D.C.
Lisner Auditorium

OCTOBER 19
Fredricksburg, VA
Mary Washington College

OCTOBER 21
Boston, MA
Orpheum

OCTOBER 22
Oneonta, NY
SUNY Oneonta

OCTOBER 23
Philadelphia, PA
Tower Theater

OCTOBER 25
Northampton, MA
John M Green Hall

OCTOBER 27, 28, 29, 31
New York, NY
Irving Plaza

NOVEMBER 2
Buffalo, NY
Elmwood Half

NOVEMBER 3
Detroit, MI
State Theater

NOVEMBER 4
Cleveland, OH
Agora Theater

NOVEMBER 5
Toronto, ONT
Music Hall

NOVEMBER 7, 8
Chicago, IL
Vic Theater

NOVEMBER 1O
Milwaukee, WI
Varsity Theater

NOVEMBER 11
Minneapolis, MN
State Theater

NOVEMBER 12
St. Peter, MN
Gustavus Adolphus College

NOVEMBER 13, 14
St. Louis, MO
American Theatre

NOVEMBER 17
Los Angeles, CA
The Pantages

NOVEMBER 18
San Diego, CA
Montezuma Hall

NOVEMBER 19
Redlands, CA
U. of Redlands

NOVEMBER 20
San Francisco, CA
The Warfield

NOVEMBER 21
tba

NOVEMBER 22
Sacramento, CA
Crest Theater

NOVEMBER 25, 26
New York, NY
Knitting Factory

NOVEMBER 29
Boulder, CO
Mackie Theater

DECEMBER 1
Columbia, MO
Missouri Theater

DECEMBER 2
Kansas City, MO
Memorial Hall

DECEMBER 3
Champaign, IL
tba

DECEMBER 5
College Station, TX
Texas A&M

DECEMBER 6
Austin, TX
tba

DECEMBER 7
Dallas, TX
Majestic Theater

DECEMBER 9
New Orleans, LA
tba

DECEMBER 11-14
Florida tba

DECEMBER 16
Atlanta, GA
Roxy

TMBG Info Club is now free

Tell your friends— We are happy to announce that we are able to mail anyone Info Club catalogs and tour announcements for free. (Keeping track of all you 20,000 members' SASEs and fees over the past few years was costing more than just opening it up to all that are interested). If you want to sign up a friend, call our new order number 514-359-0867, or write us at TMB Productions, Dept PPFNP, PO Box 110535, Williamsburgh Station, Brooklyn, NY 11211-0003.

Info Club Line Launched

Just in time for Christmas! It's easier, faster, and better—Giants merchandise now available through new phone line! The Info Club is happy to announce we are now able to take credit card merchandise orders directly over the phone at How? Just spell your name as it appears on the card; your full address (spelling the hard parts); your phone number for confirmation; your credit card number and the crucial expiration date and everything you want to order. It's that easy. Order for Christmas! We will guarantee deliveries for Christmas if we receive your order by December 2 with payment by check or December 12 with payment by credit card. Call for fastest service.

Useful Phrases for a European Tour - John Linnell

French

Je suis terrorement du tout les produits du lait.
I'm frightened of all dairy products.

La chambre du purgatoire c'est plus bien. S'il vous plait, un avec fromagement stenche.
This dressing room is too nice. Please give us a smellier one.

Pourquoi no fittez-vous pas votre outfittes, Monsieur Poseur du Vanitie?
Why do you wear small children's clothing, Mr. Frontman?

Dutch

Het mikrophoon ankoop met vip in mij hand.
The microphone blew up in my hand.

We koed noot zee U bijk bezween onze bus and het kanaal.
We couldn't see your bicycle between our bus and the canal.

German

Der Laserschau hat unser Trummler gekrispend.
The laser show has injured our drummer.

Ich wisse nicht die Severepunischkeit für Wolkengegenstankomminträffisch.
I was unaware that jaywalking was a felony.

Das Kroud apparäntisch viel mehr wie denket uns getrunken ist.
The audience is much more drunk than we thought.

Deiner Film mit den explitzit insectenschadenfreude sehr interessant war.
Your film depicting insect surgery was very interesting.

Danish

En grimsåt swøder jeg se ikke før.
That's the ugliest sweater I've ever seen in my life.

Italian

Quando il adressore pubblica distructissimo completemento se reparè?
Will the PA be rebuilt from scratch in time for the show tonight?

Reppulscètto.
I smell bad.

Perchè sonno nos pontante e crianne?
Why are they pointing at us and weeping?

Catalog

Albums

LP $7.50 (except Flood $10), CS $8.50, CD $14.00

• THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS (LP, CS, CD) - The debut album. 19 songs including Don't Let's Start, Hotel Detective, Puppet Head & She's An Angel.
• LINCOLN (LP, CS, CD) - The 2nd album. 18 songs including Ana Ng, They'll Need A Crane, Purple Toupee & Shoehorn With Teeth.
• FLOOD (LP, CS, CD) - The 3rd album. 19 songs including Birdhouse In Your Soul, Istanbul (Not Constantinople) & Your Racist Friend.
• APOLLO 18 (CS, CD) - The 4th Album. 18 songs including I Palindrome I, The Statue Got Me High & The Guitar.
• MISCELLANEOUS T (CS, CD) - The B Side/Remix Compilation Album. 18 songs including Hey Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had A Deal, Birds Fly & Hello Radio.

Video

• The first six videos: Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet-head, Don't Let's Start, (She Was A) Hotel Detective, Ana Ng, They'll Need A Crane & Purple Toupee. $15.00

Coffee Mug

• Our new coffee mug featuring a new TMBG logo in black on one side and the Dial-a-Song phone number on the reverse. Almond colored mug. $6.00

EPs

7" $4.00, 12" $4.50, CS $5.50, CD $6.50 (except Statue import CD $11)

• DON'T LET'S START (LP, CS, CD) - Remix of the title track plus We're The Replacements, When It Rains It Snows & The Famous Polka.
• (SHE WAS A) HOTEL DETECTIVE (LP, CS, CD) - Remix of the title track plus For Science, The Biggest One, Mr. Klaw & Kiss Me, Son of God (alternate version).
• THEY'LL NEED A CRANE (LP, CS, CD) - Title track plus It's Not My Birthday, I'll Sink Manhattan & Nightgown Of The Sullen Moon.
• BACK TO SKULL (CD) - Snail Shell from John Henry, plus Ondine, She was a Hotel Detective (familiar title, but new song), Mrs. Train, & the Dist Bros remix of Snail Shell.
• THE STATUE GOT ME HIGH (CS, Import CD) - Title track plus She's Actual Size, I'm Def & Which Describes How You're Feeling.
• THE GUITAR (CD only) - Extended mix of title track, two Cold Cut remixes, Welcome To The Jungle, I Blame You, & Moving To The Sun.
• I PALINDROME I (CS, CD) - Title track plus Cabbagetown, Siftin'* & Larger Than Life* (Joshua Fried's remix). *Song on CD only
  
• O TANNENBAUM (7" only) - John and John sing this classic Christmas carol in the original German. Backed with the existential anthem Christmas Cards. Absolutely the perfect gift for any holiday season.
• ISTANBUL (NOT CONSTANTINOPLE) - Sorry, temporarily (we hope) unavailable.
• WHY DOES THE SUN SHINE? (The Sun Is A Mass Of Incandescent Gas) (2 Song 7" or 4" Song CD) - The title track is TMBG's version o a song rom a 1959 educational record with a cover of the Allman Brothers classic Jessica on the 7". The cd includes two bonus tracks: a horn-filled version of the Meat Puppets song Whirlpool and a new TMBG original entitled Spy.

Postcards

• Two shots of John and John. Each set comes with an extra pair, so you can save one set and send the other. $2/set

Hat

• They logo in purple and red stitched on grey wool baseball hat. One size fits all. $16

Bumper Stickers

Screen-printed on weather-resistant paper.

• Coffee Cup - Black & red design
• TMBG - black & white design

$2 each or 3 for $5

Poster

• John Henry cover art on a 20 x 30 inch poster. $4.

Keychain

• Antiqued metal key chain. $7.50

Shot Glasses

• TMBG logo and card suit symbols in red and black. Perfect for poker games or just drinking alone! Set of 4 just $10/set

John and John Answer Your Questions

TMBG answer your most frequently asked questions. If you have a question for John or John, send it to:
Questions, TMB Prodcutions
P.O. Box 110535, Williamsburgh Station,
Brooklyn, NY
11211-0003

Where did you get the idea for "Fingertips"?
L: Fingertips is partly the logical extension of the short pop song format we like. It's also inspired by those UHF TV ads for song collections in which the titles are scrolling up the screen and you get to hear about five seconds of each track.

What made you choose John Henry as the title for your new album?
F: John Henry is a legendary black railroad worker from the middle of the nineteenth century. He figures in a number of American folk songs, including one simply called "John Henry." The story describes a competition between John Henry, the strongest human, versus a new machine built to smash rocks. They compete to break through a mountain. The machine breaks down in the middle of the tunnel, while John Henry comes out the other side, only to die from exhaustion. Since this was the first album where we worked with a live band instead of a drum machine it seemed an apt title.

Who are the people on the cover of the Lincoln album, and what is their significance?
L: The bearded man on the left is my great-grandfather, Lewis T. Linnell, who was a banker in Illinois in the mid-nineteenth century. The General is Mr. Flansburgh's grandfather, Ralph Hospital (his actual name).

Why are the songs out of order on the lyrics sheet of the "Lincoln" CD?
F: I put it together in off moments at my old job, and I wasn't paying enough attention.

Will you ever make another B side album?
L: We have enough compiled B-side material for at least another record at this point. Once we're done promoting "John Henry" we'll try to persuade Elektra to release it.

John F., when and where did you learn to play guitar?
F: I was given a guitar by a friend when I was a senior in high school. I had a hard time just wrapping my hand around the neck for the first couple of months. Then I took the bottom three strings off and it was a lot easier. I started writing songs right away because other peoples' songs were too hard for me to play. I really got going in my first semester of college when I had a night job in a parking lot booth by myself. It was like getting paid to practice.

What is the origin of the middle section of "Rhythm Section Want Ad?"
L: The melody is from Raymond Scott's "Powerhouse," which was employed by Carl Stalling in many Warner Brothers cartoons, usually as the soundtrack to machines gone berserk. We got the melody wrong, to our embarrassment.

Why isn't "Why Does The Sun Shine?" on the "John Henry" album?
F: We didn't want to put any cover versions on the record, and the "Why Does The Sun Shine?" CD5 seemed like a good way to get those songs out and widely available without putting them on the lp.

Are you ever going to make Dial-A-Song toll free?
L: We're often asked if we make any money from Dial-a-Song, but in fact it's a normal toll call to Brooklyn. We pay the moderate cost of the phone line and the modest one-time cost of the voice mail equipment (a cheap Macintosh computer and some other electronic doo-dads). If it were a toll free number it would become a serious money loser for us, and the idea has always been to keep it low maintenance, with no extra charges for us or the caller.

I went to your last concert in Denver. Who were the people in the pictures above the stage?
F: The guy with cigar is from a movie still from the thirties. The little girl is a friend of ours' child.

You contributed a remake of Phil Ochs' "One More Parade" to Rubaiyyat: Elektra's 40th Anniversary. What is your obsession with this '60's folkie?
F: I have been listening to Phil Ochs since I was a kid. Folkie friends of my family had his records, and I really liked a song called "Small Circle of Friends" which is probably my least favorite now. Many of his songs are topical, and don't hold up that well, but he did write some compelling material.

What is the difference between the version of "Don't Let's Start" on the first album and "Miscellaneous T"?
L: The Misc. T version was remixed by Bill Krauss at a studio up in Vermont. To my ears the tom-tom rolls in the chorus have a little more echo on them.

What are your favorite card games?
F: We play poker on the road, and Linnell plays solitaire on his computer.
L: Klondike and Pyramid are pretty good.

What are your favorite drinks besides coffee?
L: Stewart's root beer.
F: Martinis (extra olives) when I'm feeling good—carrot juice when I'm feeling bad.

What were your favorite subjects in school?
L: Comp Lit and Music
F: History, Literature, Art

What kinds of things do you like to read? {Fiction, non-fiction? Favorite authors?)
F: I'm always depressed by how few books I get through, even though I devour magazines from Forbes to Harpers to Sassy. I am currently reading "The Member of the Wedding" by Carson McCullers, which is a good read.
L: I was bent around as a youth by the work of Donald Barthelme. I'm currently reading "Call it Sleep" by Henry Roth, recently discovered the very excellent Mark Twain.

What are your interests and hobbies other than music?
F: Exploring old NYC steak houses, junk stores, the Rat Pack, the extremely limited documentary section of the local Blockbuster Video.
L: A bunch of friends of ours like to come over and give slide shows of recent trips over potato chips and beer. Brian Dewan sometimes prduces a "film strip" for these occasions, which is an obsolete educational tool.

John F., why the glasses?
F: I have bad vision and I am phobic about touching my eyes.

I hear that some TMBG recordings are available on 8 track. Where can I get them?
F: There was a promotional 8 track for "Purple Toupee" that went out as a gag, but it was actually old Motown 8-tracks (which had purple casings) which Bar/None bought from some warehouse for pennies, with a TMBG label put over it. Since so few people actually own 8 tracks, nobody noticed it wasn't real.

What does PPFNP, as in "Dept. PPFNP" stand for?
Info Club Minister of Information Melony named it after the Nick Lowe album "Pure Pop for Now People."

Order Form

How To Order

BY MAIL Read the fine print! Fill out this form (or a copy of it). Please print clearly and add correctly! Use the chart below to figure out the correct Shipping and Handling charge. Orders to be shipped to NY addresses must also include sales tax. Payments may also be made by American Express, VISA, or MasterCard or enclose a check or money order for the total amount due, in US Funds only, payable to TMB Productions. Do not send cash!
Send to: TMBG Productions, Dept. PPFNP, PO Box 110535
Williamsburgh Station, Brooklyn, NY 11211-0003

BY PHONE Call our offices at 914-359-0867 to order any They Might Be Giants' merchandise. Leave a message with your name, address, credit card number & expiration date, daytime telephone number and the item(s) you would like to order. Please speak slowly and clearly.

The Fine Print

Allow 4-8 weeks for delivery within the US & Canada. Allow 8-12 weeks for delivery outside the US & Canada. Most domestic orders are shipped via UPS (US mail by request). All foreign orders shipped by US mail. All prices are in US dollars and payment can only be accepted in US funds. Prices and descriptions are those in effect as of April 1, 1994 and are subject to change without notice.

Money Back Guarantee

If not fully satisfied, return merchandise to TMB Productions within 30 days of receipt for a full refund. Please enclose the packing slip for faster processing.

*New York residents add 8.25% sales tax on cost of goods plus shipping and handling.

Our Roadies, Ourselves

On the road with They Might Be Giants and a Plymouth Voyager

TMBG manager Jamie Kitman was moonlighting as an automotive journalist when he persuaded Automobile Magazine to stake him a minivan to take They Might Be Giants on their second ever tour—a 27-day jaunt to the midwest in 1987. The following excerpts are from his report, which appeared in the magazine's February 1988 issue.

Edgewater, New Jersey — What if they gave a 150-place men's room with iridescent purple carpet and black walls and no one came?

That was the question They Might Be Giants, a New York City-based pop music duo, and I were asking ourselves. It was Day Four of the Giants' "Bring Me the Head of Kenny Rogers World Tour '87," and we'd just entered the portals of the Electric Banana, Pittsburgh's self-proclaimed House of Rock. From the look and smell of things at the Banana, it was going to be a long night and a long, long trip. Into hell.

The two Giants, John Flansburgh and John Linnell, and their producer/tape wizard, Bill Krauss, had invited me to join them on a twenty-seven-day, nineteen-city, 5200-mile rock sojourn. I'd like to think that it was my scintillating conversation and my renown as a fiendishly irrepressible bon vivant that accounted for the invitation. But in all candor, I suspect it was the keys I held to a shiny Plymouth Voyager LE minivan.

What better way to test the company's capacious load hauler, we'd explained, than to fill it with a rock group and its equipment?

Well, how about filling it with a group we've heard of? came the corporate reply.

Sure, we'd responded, like Mötley Crüe's really going to fit into a minivan.

The big name, full-rock-regalia acts travel by Learjet and semi nowadays; a single minivan wouldn't hold some groups' drug paraphernalia.

That was part of the They Might Be Giants advantage. Like most artists of conscience, the band members have every intention of one day becoming internationally rich, with a full retinue of personal stylists, unashamed sycophants, and professional arse-sniffers in tow. But, at the present time, the TMBG roadshow is economy in motion: One guitar, one accordion, one amp, a tape recorder to play the backing rhythm tracks, and a couple of funny hats are all it takes to produce the band's compelling pop sound, what they call "sophisticated head-bobbing music."

Because the only drug They Might Be Giants abuse is caffeine, we advised Chrysler that there would be no need to worry about unpleasant run-ins with the Man. As I discovered while traveling with them, one of the two Johns' favorite topics of discussion is where they can get a cup of coffee. A vehicle's ability to negotiate frequent pit stops is necessarily of greater concern to them than its provision for stowage of illegal items.

Besides, we pointed out, it wasn't as if the Giants were complete unknowns. Their music video "Put Your Hand inside the Puppethead" has been in regular rotation on MTV. Their debut LP, They Might Be Giants, is tearing up the college charts and has earned kudos in Rolling Stone, Musician, Billboard, and People magazines, to name but a few.

"Good," said Giants' guitarist John Flansburgh, when news arrived that Chrysler had acquiesced and the Voyager was on its way. "They've taken the They Might Be Giants Challenge."

Flansburgh, who is sometimes called Jack, and accordionist John Linnell, who is known as the Professor, often refer to their band in the third person. This messianic tendency is one of the many similarities between rock stars and politicians. When I suggested this to him, the twenty-seven-year-old Flansburgh bristled. "It's not like we're megalomaniacs. We don't want the whole world. We just want our half."

Some portion of the world may ultimately wind up in the They Might Be Giants discretionary account. But it was plain to see that the most meaningful part of the band's universe for a month's time was going to be inside of a Chrysler minivan.

Although the Voyager's charcoal gray interior looked plush and comfortable, the Giants weren't entirely thrilled by the prospect. People often associate rock musicians with cars and wild road trips, but the boys in this band don't even drive. The Professor doesn't have a license. Jack does, but shouldn't.

"Everything you've ever heard about life on the road? It's all true." Installed as would be his wont in the Voyager's shotgun seat, Flansburgh discoursed on the rigors of touring as he fine-tuned the AM/FM/cassette's five-band equalizer and frantically changed tapes.

"You know, you have the attention span of a two-year-old, Jack," Krauss observed from the back seat.

"Shut up, Bill," said Flansburgh, finally retrieving an early recording of the Giants' song "Alienation's for the Rich (and I'm Getting Poorer Every Day)" from the cassette bin. "You know my dad wrote this song for us."

"He's lying," Krauss said.

"Jack is right about one thing," accordionist Linnell explained. "When you're touring, no bummer will be left unbummed."

On that very subject, sort of, we'd heard some disquieting things about Pittsburgh's Electric Banana and its balding proprietor, Johnny Banana. A stout fellow said to be fond of the occasional midday highball, Johnny's reputation preceded him in a big way. Reports had him pulling a gun on the celebrated headbangers Circle Jerks when, following an appearance at le club Banana, they had the audacity to request payment in full.

We shared our concern about Mr. Banana's special sense of theater with Bill, a regular Joe who fills in as the club's soundman. Not to worry, he counseled, as we stood around the stage setting up equipment. "Johnny fired over the guy's head. Besides, he only gets nasty when he's been drinking..." Bill was interrupted by a bellow from the back of the room.

"Get you boys a drink?" It was Johnny Banana himself, who'd lately come strolling through the front door. Like death row convicts watching the cell door swing open for the last time, we stared as Johnny swaggered to the bar and began elaborate preparations on some sort of deadly libation from the depth-bomb family of cocktails. "Bottoms up, Johnny," we thought. I fingered the keys to the Voyager nervously, preparing to repark it directly out front in case the need for a speedy get-away arose. None did.

Being a sort of fourth wheel on the TMBG musical tricycle, I made myself useful (when I wasn't behind the wheel of the Plymouth) by selling the band's T-shirts and LPs during shows. To facilitate such sales, I was outfitted with an eye-catching gold fez presented to the band by one of its fans. The fez is one of the timeless expressions of the haberdasher's art, and, in it, I looked a perfect fool. As the miles piled up on his personal beverage odometer, Johnny Banana had not been hesitant to comment to this effect.

As I remember it, the derringer came out when I declined to honor Johnny's suggestion that I give him a couple of free T-shirts. "Listen, junior, every [expletive deleted] band ever to come through here has given me two [expletive deleted] T-shirts for my two [expletive deleted] kids."

"Cripes, why didn't you just say you were a family man, Johnny?!" I asked as I handed him a couple all-cotton X-Large T's, gratis. Later he pulled the gun on Bill, his soundman.

[The fans] are both a boon and a bane. Total, uncompromising adulation is always nice when you can find it. And what weary traveler doesn't like a place to sleep for free? The difficulty is, many of the fans encountered seemed to think They Might Be Giants came all the way from New York in a minivan just to party with them. "Sometimes," Flansburgh admitted, "it's a little tough for us to handle their love."

Politely refusing countless invitations to ingest the white powder they call Big Lie was not the problem. "Sorry, man, forgot to bring the Teflon nostril liners along. Doc says we have to use them."

Other foolhardy proposals from well-meaning hammerheads who wanted us to join them while they turned on to the Really Big Lie, the Mildly Awful Lie, and the dread Honest Misstatement of Fact were rebuffed with similar ease and no hurt feelings.

A different sort of inquiry was more problematic. Like a sizzling-hot grounder to a third baseman playing in for the bunt, the query "Do you think John Linnell wants to sleep with me?" was one I always had trouble handling. In every instance, I couldn't answer truthfully without risking insult. It's not my business, but I think the Professor is a private kind of guy with high moral standards just waiting to meet the right gal. Then again, he may just have a rule against intimate associations with skanky fuzzbrains who reek of peach schnapps and Salem 100s.

Maybe I'm getting old, but it seems to me kids today don't know when to quit. Following a show at the Bottle Neck in Lawrence, Kansas, an earnest-looking young man approached the band and asked if we'd care to spend the night at his apartment a block away from the club. We'd already been offered a spot in Kansas City, thirty miles east, but we were bushed following a long ride from Minneapolis. So when he assured us there would be quietude and beds for all, we thanked him for his hospitality and sent our friends from Kansas City on their way.

Given his assurances, we were somewhat surprised to discover, upon arriving at his home, an impromptu sixteen-person vodka-and-Baileys-Irish-Cream chugging contest in progress. Most distressing was the fact that there were not beds for all, as promised, but one at that. Professor Linnell, who takes his rest more seriously than most, hopped straight into the sack, leaving the rest of us to make our peace with the party cannibals.

It was a dirty job, I think. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember all the details, but I do recall walking into the living room at four a.m. to find Flansburgh leading a half-dozen collegians in a spirited rendition of the Hustle while the 1977 punk classic "Anarchy in the U.K.," by the Sex Pistols, blared at maximum volume.

As the sun came up over Lawrence, I staked out a cozy piece of real estate behind a tattered couch with nothing but slumber in mind. However, I was soon stirred by Professor Linnell, looking dazed and forlorn. He related a frightening tale. It seemed he had been joined in bed by our host and an inebriated woman friend. "Don't mind us," they'd said, "we're just going to sleep." At which point they had put on some cool reggae music and set about doing the wild thing with reckless abandon.

Sensing the Professor's horror, I offered him my place and went to sleep in the hallway. Two hours later, the woman who had robbed him of his mattress managed to step on my neck on her way to make a loud and interminably dull telephone call. "Oops, a humanoid life form," she'd observed after almost crushing my windpipe. Finally, she finished her call. She stepped on me again. "You're still here!" she exclaimed.

Arriving in Kansas City, we off-loaded at the home of promoter Hearne Christopher, Jr. A renaissance man for the Eighties, Christopher toils as a bond trader by day and as a rock impresario by night. He might as easily be in the luxury hotel business, for he attended to our every whim during our two-day stay.

Kansas City is TMBG country. As 500 seats at Parody Hall were sold out. Hearne, Jr., had done his job right. But the day had had a rocky start with a live television appearance he'd arranged for the band on the local CBS-TV affiliate's midday news program.

Host Lilly Bliss, aptly named with her blow-dried hairdo and implaccably sunny disposition, didn't quite know what to make of the Giants. Another guest, actress Talia Shire (of Rocky fame), was there to peddle an E.T.-clone movie she'd produced and told us in the Green Room that she'd heard the Giants were some kind of religious musical group. Noting our puzzled expressions, she apologized for the mistake. "Sorry, I just flew in from the coast."

The band certainly has considered religious themes, as evidenced by John Linnell's solo accordion number, "Kiss Me, Son of God." A stinging indictment of organized religion, it was, in fact, the exact number the Professor was crooning for Lilly and the audience at home when the folks at the studio control board panicked and pulled the plug.

"I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage called the blood of the exploited working class," the Professor had begun to sing, while Jack smiled and snapped out an uptempo beat. "Now they've overcome their shyness, and they're calling me 'Your Highness,' and the world screams, 'Kiss me, Son of God.' "

Poor Lilly. Her evanescent smile had completely disappeared. Her hard-boiled co-anchor, a crusty old news guy straight from central casting, fell out of his chair laughing. Linnell continued: "I look like Jesus, so they say..." Good night, Professor, I remember thinking, as the monitor in the Green Room went blank.

After the show [at the Blue Note, in Columbia, MO,] we were invited to yet another gathering of bohemian college kids. We couldn't put our finger on it as we stood on the porch of a ramshackle crash pad, enjoying the cool night air, but the folks we were talking to seemed oddly cryptic. Then a guy came running up to the house. He was red-faced and wild-eyed. "It's terrible," he shrieked, "man, it's so messed up. The streets are filled with people fighting, and they're all on fire." We looked at this guy and then we looked at his friends. They had gotten up and walked toward him. Now they were roughly two microns from his face. They said nothing. Then it came to us.

"Are you guys tripping?" we asked, but we already knew the answer. Just as we'd been told, acid had returned to the campuses. "Yikes," Linnell said, and we braced ourselves for a rough evening of another order.

Catalog (cont.)

T-Shirts

OVERSIZE XXL $18
SHORT SLEEVE L & XL $16
BABY 4T $10
LONG SLEEVE $18
(all 100% cotton)

• BIRD (XL ONLY) - This t-shirt features a drawing by cartoonist Tony Millionaire with bird showing off his brains.
• JOHN HENRY (XL ONLY) - Full color print of the John Henry album cover. B&W photo on back.
• WORKER JOHNS (L + XL) - Another Mark Marek cartoon of the Johns dressed for hard work in bright industrial colors.
• DIAL-A-SONG 1994 XL ONLY - This new grey t-shirt heralds TMBG's popular Dial-A-Song service. Call 718-387-6962 and hear a new song every day.
• THE HAYSEED JOHNS (XL ONLY) - From an original cartoon by Mark Marek. Three color design in blue, purple, and orange inks on a white shirt.
• HATS T-SHIRT (XL ONLY) - Tour hats for the band drawn by Tad Hutchinson (Young Fresh Fellows drummer and t-shirt artist) on a heathered grey shirt.
• SKULL (L + XL, BABY SIZE 4T) - This shirt was designed by Meat Puppets guitarist Curt Kirkwood. This shirt is also available in a baby size. The perfect gift for the sophisticated baby.
• SNOWMAN (L + XL) - The ever-popular TMBG snowman, warming his hands over a pile of burning money. Also available in black ink on a white shirt.
• THE MAN (XL ONLY) - Big happy purple guy from TMBG's "Why Does The Sun Shine?" record cover with bright green lettering on the back.
• DIAL-A-SONG (XL ONLY) - T-shirt with the correct Dial-a-Song phone number illustrated by Jotto Seibold.
• THE BIG CUP (L + XL) - Weirdly distorted red lettering beneath a Giants-sized cup of steaming hot black java.
• BIG HEAD (OVERSIZE XXL ONLY) - The enigmatic head from many of TMBG's videos on a black oversize shirt. The "T" is neon green and the "MBG" is neon orange.
• NASCAR (XL LONG SLEEVE ONLY) - Shake the ground with 10,000 watts of earth-shattering TMBG funny car power. Actually, it's TMBG's NASCAR shirt. Available in long sleeve with racing stripes on the sleeves.
• HELLO BIRD (XL ONLY) - Hello Club t-shirt.
• HAPPY CHANUKAH (XL ONLY) - TMBG's green and red tribute to the special holidays of Christmas and Chanukah. Illustrated by Amy Sillman.
• PEARL (XL ONLY) - New TMBG logo in fluorescent orange and dark purple with large picture of Pearl on back.
• STAMPS (OVERSIZE XXL ONLY) - Big red letters with black postage stamps.

Tell your friends - TMBG Info Club is now free

We are happy to announce that we are able to mail anyone Info Club catalogs and tour announcements for free. (Keeping track of all you 20,000 members' SASEs and fees over the past few years was costing more than just opening it up to all that are interested). If you want to sign up a friend, call our new order number 914-359-0867, or write us at TMB Productions, DEPT PPFNP, PO Box 110535, Williamsburgh Station, Brooklyn, NY 11211-0003.

Info Club Line Launched

Just in time for Christmas ! It's easier, faster, and better--Giants merchandise now available through new phone line! The info Club is happy to announce we are now able to take credit card merchandise orders directly over the phone at '914-359-0867. How? Just spell your name as it appears on the card; your full address (spelling the hard parts); your phone number for confirmation; your credit card number and the crucial expiration date and everything you want to order. It's that easy. Order for Christmas! We will guarantee deliveries for Christmas if we receive your order by December 2 with payment by check or December 12 with payment by credit card. Call for fastest service.

Hello CD of the month club

Join Hello for 1994! Hello presents new music by both established alternative recording artists and great up-and-coming musicians. For an inflation busting $45 you'll get ten CD EPs this year! Each month a different performer creates four or five brand new recordings exclusively for Hello. Each CD is handsomely packaged in our generic sleeve, and are sent in pairs directly to your home. The 1994 Hello line-up includes Drink Me, Mac from Superchunk, Scott McCaughey's The Minus Five, Spanish Fly, Peter Stampfel, TMBG's John Linnell, Andy Partridge of XTC, more Brian Dewan. Curated by Marjorie Galen and John Flansburgh. Whenever you join you'll receive all the back issues released this year. You can also order a complete set of last year's CDs. Order Hello with your credit card by calling 1-800-Hello-41. Of course, mail orders via check or plastic cards are always welcome at our fancy Palisades corporate offices. So join up!

Full sets of Hello '93 still available

Our first year is over. At the year's end we were left with a small number of complete sets. Stock is limited, and we will not be repressing these discs. Great music at a great price, and guaranteed to become a collector's item. The 93 discography includes The Residents, Hello the Band, Scott McCaughey's The Minus Five, The Nelories, Frank Black, Brian Dewan, Eugene Chadbourne, Flat Old World, Duplex Planet and Band of Weeds. 10 CDs for $45

Hello Order Form

• I want a 94 subscription (10 cds for $45)
• I am a renewing 93 member for 94 (10 cds for $35)
• I want to back order a set of hello 93 (10 cds for $45)

send to hello, po box 551 palisades, ny 10964
outside us please add $10 for shipping and handling
ny state residents, add 8.25% sales tax. $45 + 3.71 = 48.71
Please make checks payable to Hello